A/S/L

Some of you will know this is a repeat - since I had to cut and paste most of my old blog I am going to shamelessly weave some summer reruns into the mix in this new blog. Hope old friends indulge me...

I do engage in role play from time to time. I don't have as much time as I would like, but who does? At any rate, a recent conversation with a good friend touched on the perennial topic of just how much "truthiness" is a good thing online, and what are the ethics of dissembling a little. I don't have the answers, perhaps a game show host does, but it did get me thinking to what I react well and badly to regarding the classic A/S/L (age, sex, location) issues as it pertains to RP.

Age: I don't really care about your exact age, assuming you're over 21. Again, 21 isn't my idea, I just don't think a grown man should be discussing peril themes with someone underage, and 21 is more or less the standard, arbitrary as it may be. I do think I deserve to know roughly how old you are, and not for purely selfish reasons of my perverted little fantasies involving your online persona, some rope, and a pendulum. No, the reason is that it helps me to get a handle on a correspondent's cultural assumptions and emotional expectations. By this I mean, to take just one angle: a 20-something simply is not likely to be as emotionally astute as a 30-something or a 40-something. It would be odd if they were. OK, I'll speak for myself -- I have learned a lot since I graduated college. I like people in their 20s as well as in their 40s (or older) but my reactions and observations are different depending on your age.
I know this is rough - particularly if you're a woman there is a huge leap of faith. So many men are interested only in a fantasy figure, and are delusional enough to respond better to you if you say you are "22, 5'10" and a C cup" than if you are honest. Or alternatively, if you are just tired of that and want to hide behind something less "attractive" there is a temptation to dissemble down the fanciability curve, too.
But it works in the other direction as well: I am slightly over 40 myself, and I note with far more wry amusement than regret the profiles of women saying "no men over (pick an age)." Ladies, your wish is granted. I have no need to elevate a mindless ball of pretty fluff if that's all you are. Life is too short for you, too.
I am not for a moment suggesting that people should not be up front about their preferences -- I just observe a tone of "you're not worth it" in most of those prohibitions. In my case, you don't know what you're missing, and you wouldn't value it if you did, but that's your loss, not mine. Believe it or not, you can be 40, still have all your hair, not have a pot belly, and not listen to Kenny G. ( Side note: I once received a birthday card with a dinosaur in a party hat on the front. Inside the caption was "You're only as extinct as you feel.")
I for one had a pretty miserable time in most of my 20s -- unloved by and large, even when I had a girlfriend -- underpaid, skinny, and so boyish looking that I have a photo of myself at age 27 and I look like I am 12. I still look about 10 years younger than I am, but now I have (a) surrendered to my villainous deviousness - no tired anti-hero cliches here, and (b) the cash to make it a really, really good party.
On a more serious note, I finally feel integrated. The combination of my antiquarian impulses and being near the midpoint of life do not make me morbid and do not make me anticipate decline. I feel so connected to everything -- past, present and future. It's exhilarating to be alive. And even more exhilarating when you have a damsel squirming helplessly in her bonds on a conveyor belt below you, heading toward the shredding machine...but I digress...

Sex: I may just be hung up on this one, but I do think it's only fair to be honest on whether you are a man or a woman. I give full points to those men who are straight up about saying so even if they enjoy playing the damsel in distress in RP. Someone like Stan Teriaca, for example, is doing global karma a favour by being open and honest about who he is. Were that everyone on the net was as nice and decent a guy as he is.
Frankly, I think it becomes pretty obvious after a while whether you're a boy or a girl. I might be wrong, and perhaps some of the women I speak to are really men in disguise. But I doubt it. The men who are faking it are usually easy to tell: they tend to bore me. Some women bore me too, but usually for the opposite reason: with them I am getting too little, whereas wwith the men fakers, it's always too much.
Sexual preference is nice to know, but not essential - it does help me understand you a little more quickly if I know. I have had a lot of fun talking to women who were more interested sexually in other women than men. As long as you don't mind being imperilled by a guy, it's OK by me. I will just adjust my expectations of the kind of response I will get accordingly.
I guess if all I were interested in were a fantasy for myself alone, it would matter less to me if I were talking to a man or a woman - let's just play the game (and I mean that in a pleasant, literal way). But I am interested in more than that. I want to affect the person deep down, I want to give that person the thrill of having been discovered, for lack of a better term. I don't want you revealed as in "undressed", I want you revealed as in "vulnerable."

Location: This is the most problematic as far as privacy goes. Luckily (for me), it's the least important for me. I am interested in your location only insofar as it gives me a better handle on what you're like, what events might be uppermost on your mind, etc. It's certainly not to stalk you.
At the same time, I understand the need to keep weirdos at bay. I take zero umbrage at people's being vague about location. For me, I am satisfied with general area -- "north of England", "California", "Catalunya" - that's specific enough to get an idea of what perspectives have shaped you, and allows me to get to know you sooner.

So, in the spirit of disclosure, here is mine: I'm in my early 40s. I am male, preposterously heterosexual (by that I don't mean all tough guy or macho -- I mean, my interest in women is unmitigated by any interest whatsoever in usual guy things: team sports, mechanical tinkering, lousy beer or electronic toys. Could not care less.) I am 6'3", 200 lbs, reasonably athletic (I enjoy being active, I just don't watch sports or participate in weekend warrior basketball nonsense). Skiing is the closest thing I have to religion. I live in a suburb of New York City. At any given time I speak with about a half dozen people on a regular basis (not all at once!). I am happily married, and I am not stupid enough to screw up a good thing. I am not on the net to pick you up, but to get you going. I want to put you in peril. I want to adore you.