Putzes

(Hey folks -- it's a genuine new post!)

In DiD-speak, a putz is a male “damsel in distress.” The term is pejorative, because it seems most heterosexual male DiD fans are very turned off by the sight of a bound and gagged man. Some even find a man captured alongside a woman to be a buzzkilling distraction. A classic example is Jimmy Olsen (played by Jack Larson) in the old 1950s Superman TV show. I assume he was usually captured alongside the luminous Noel Neill so that the censors didn’t think the writers were trying to sneak in something… . unhealthy. Another example is Payton Hass, who played an irrelevant co-hostage with the often-captured pre-robotic Jessica Alba in a refitted Flipper series from the high 1990s. I have no idea why he was there.

I should also add that there is a less pejorative terms, “dude in distress” which is presumably employed by those who like that sort of thing. I won’t go so far as to spoil anyone’s parade, so I’ll only speak for myself: I find calling them “dudes in distress” as silly as calling myself a male lesbian – I like girls, but I just happen to be a guy. That is a prejudice, I am not defending it -- I am just laying out my tastes.

I can’t say that having a male tied up with a girl ruins the effect for me in, say, a movie or TV show. However, it is a minor irritation, and in a TV show or movie where a male character is the one taken captive, rather than the girl, I do feel a disappointment. (Or rather, did – I hardly ever have time for TV any more, and the movies I watch seldom have peril or actions scenes like that in them.) I feel about the same as I do when a damsel in distress is treated badly – bruised or injured for the sake of some cockamamie ‘realism’ – what a shame, the actress could have been a pretty damsel. Of course I feel empathy for any physically abused character, but it loses all erotic appeal instantly.

But I thought to something that really does instinctively piss me off, and that is a gagged dude. (By the way, why does no one remember the origin of the term ‘dude’: a dude ranch was a place for dudes, people who are ranching neophytes. That’s right, whenever you call your bro ‘dude’ you’re insulting him as a ‘noob’ – but I digress) I was thinking in particular of the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, which I was dragged to see for some forgotten reason. In it, Orlando Bloom – Legolas – was the feckless lover of Keira Head-on-a-Stick Knightly, and the pirates gag him as she I think had to walk the plank. I was more than disappointed that KK – mantis in human disguise that she may be – was not bound and gagged. I was deeply annoyed. And it was not some sort of longstanding pining to see KK in bondage (although the costuming was great).

This revulsion makes me think that the gag is really, somehow, the essential part of a DiD’s captivity for me. Once the heroine can’t speak, she’s really helpless. Maybe because it assumes she’s already restrained and unable to pull the gag off – maybe a gag is a particularly potent synecdoche for her overall captivity. Maybe I have an oral fixation – but I really don’t think so. Maybe because I like bantering with a damsel, toying with her, and once she’s gagged there is no going back.

It’s odd, because I wouldn’t come to that conclusion from my DiD imagination itself. It’s not like a heroine always has to be gagged in her perils. I’m not a “gag snob” to use another term from the DiD-tionary. But a gag just seems to be off limits to men as far as I am concerned – I find it unwatchable. How very strange.