(The pic has nothing to do with the blog -- I just happen to like it. Check out the rest of the artist's work on http://arnie00.deviantart.com/)
Back on the old blog I often extolled those friends whose sensitivity, descriptive talent, and out and out sexiness have in my mind merited special attention. But todayI have a mind to share some of the most entertainingly godawful online experiences I have had.
Now, what will follow are to me distinct from what I would call ‘failed RPs.’ I have had plenty of RPs which just didn’t click – a simple lack of compatibility, or perhaps I just wasn’t properly tuned in to what the girl wanted. It happens, and I’ll take the blame. Who knows, perhaps I am on someone else Worst Evah! list. But I would not accuse of those people of being bonkers – we just didn’t mesh, for whatever reason, but I still think of them as reasonable people.
No, these are different. The experiences that follow were not abusive, but so weird as to be from an RP Twilight Zone. I have to take extra care in dissembling here, because I really have no desire to wound people. I doubt any of the people I will recount here (in disguised form of course) will be reading. But you never know – one person’s dreck is another’s gold. Anyway, I will change enough details to make it very hard to discern the exact person I am talking about in each of these examples.
Bad RP #1:
This person wanted to be a superheroine with a secret identity. OK, no problem. Then it turned out “she” (well, I have my doubts about this part too) wanted to be captured in her secret identity so she could not turn into the superheroine. Also, OK – a standard melodrama trope, and kinda fun if handled right.
Then the RP began. I lured her into a warehouse, and captured her. Tied her to a chair. Started an interrogation. I thought she might like that, given the need to protect her true identity. I asked her questions. Response? “You fiend!” Not just once, but every time.
Ohhhh-kay. Maybe that was a hint? I should threaten her? I tried that. “Talk or else (insert fate worse than death). Response? “You fiend.”
No matter what I did, the response was “You fiend.” At first I thought I was just not hitting the right button, not giving “her” her thing. But no matter what I tried, I got the same reply, and no guidance as to what the next step ought to be.
Now, I mention this because an absolutely fantastic RPer – and a close friend – also resorts to calling me “Fiend!” when I trap her. But in this other case, it’s perfect. It’s just one reaction amidst so many others. In this other case, because I am getting so much information about what’s going on in her mind, when she says “you fiend!” it just sends me.
Bad RP #2:
This person was less obviously a man, but I still ended up thinking she too was a faker. She wanted a standard kidnapping for ransom. OK, no problem. She was rather specific about setting, and that should have been my first warning. I had to arrange a rather elaborate kidnapping given the setting – but that was OK, as I like the challenge.
Then things started to go all pear-shaped. I was going to take her to somewhere isolated to be held captive until the ransom demands were made. No, she wanted to be sold into white slavery. Ohhh-kay, I thought it was for ransom, but OK, I was willing to adapt midstream.
Every step of the way, whatever choice I made, it was wrong. Something extremely specific and not divinable beforehand had to be inserted as a correction pretty much with every line I sent her way. I was taking her in a van. No good. Must be a plane. OK, the van takes you to an airstrip. Then she had to be loaded into a crate. Etc, etc.
It was so specific that I felt I was just there to provide specific text for her amusement. It was ridiculous, and I just dropped it. Nevertheless, like bad RP #1, she kept coming back for more every time I showed online. That, by the way, was why I had severe suspicions about the sex of both these RPers – their relentless hitting on me any time I was online was an indicating sign of maleness. They were always on, they never gave it a rest – yep, they were guys.
Bad RP #3:
This was so loopy it was amusing after a while. I shouldn’t even call it a bad RP as we never got that far.
This one had me raising an eyebrow early. She volunteered she was 18, shy, and (this part was likely true) not a native English speaker – yet she had found my profile and asked me to RP with her. Right.
Anyway, she wanted to play a particular well-known character. Not a problem. Then she wanted me to play not just the villain but also the romantic male lead who also is captured alongside her. Again, in principal not a problem, but the way she seemed to stress this before we even got started was….odd.
I tried to start an RP – and I couldn’t get three words out before I was asked about back story. OK, we spent – I do not exaggerate – 3 sessions, about an hour each, working out a detailed back story. Every time I tried to pin a decision – any decision – on her, there were all sorts of complications. Finally we agreed. I tried to begin the RP again, and at the third line I got another query why the characters were behaving this way – wouldn’t it make more sense to do it another way? Another way completely different from what we had spent three hours working out? Forget it. I just started laughing at this end, glad that only three online hours of mine had been wasted on this bizarre set up.
Conclusions from Clinical Trials
So, what have we learned? Well, we have not learned that I attract psychos. Not at all. Some of my best online friends are ones that came to me, not vice versa.
I have learned, however, that if something strikes me as odd at the outset, that person usually turns into a nutjob. Also, one of the usual attributes of male fakers is – not so much annoying persistence, but monomania combined with fricken ubiquity. God, don’t you people have jobs? Hobbies? Trips to the convenience store?
There are exceptions – someone who was posing as a girl and turned out to be a man (and someone whose friendship I still esteem very highly) had mercifully none of the more obvious male giveaways in his female persona. He most definitely has a job, and most definitely is not online all the time, and – most importantly – does not treat me as if I were put on this earth for his amusement. He is a friend. He was not faking that part. These three others above – well, they were just fakes about more things – and more important things -- than their sex.
That you only had 3 *gawd*awfuls is almost a testament to your skill, Sir. When I first started on IM over 8 yrs ago on a dial-up connection, my repertoire was limited, my techniques untested, and my selection process left miles, yards, and feet to be desired. The only thing I had going for me was that I actually am a pretty good touch-typist (for which I will thank Miss Idol, my 10th grade typing teacher, forever). And, I too wasted my share of 2 - 3 hour blocks of my spare time on ... let's just say, not much.
ReplyDeleteI still type well (and fast!), though it is not much needed these days, since I do almost all my r/p by email now. But, what has most improved over the years, in my case, is my selection process. I learned, through the same process of experience that you've referenced, that if someone seems *hinky* at the beginning, then s/he probably is.
Final thought: One of the things that I shall miss from the late, unlamented passing of a social networking site which will remain nameless here was that very thing: The information provided on the profile pages was invaluable in fleshing out one's preferences and predilections, ahead of time. I found that to be quite the time saver, ... which, of course, is why the management of the late, unlamented etc., etc. is closing it down this weekend.
-- the 'evil' TRU
As a fairly regular role-player, I truly feel your pain there! Every single one of those examples I have experienced more then once.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I do not have problems playing with guys that play gals, as long as the character is good. If the story draws you in and the scene is so fun and enticing that you do not even think of the PLAYER, only the character, then it is a good scene.
That said, what really cracked me up was when I would see these guys playing gals get all freaked out when they find out the gals that they are playing are really guys! Especially the ones that played villainesses in order to capture heroines. Yup, you betcha! Two guys, playing two gals, doing a lesbian scene, freaking out because just found out playing with another guy and hitting the homophobe wall!!
Ohhhh... that slayed me!! hehehehehehehehe!!
I've experienced those issues too. And one more. The villain who starts a role play, eager to do in a heroine or superheroine, and is completely aware of the heroines' likes dislikes and such up front.
ReplyDeleteThey agree to play by those terms, then the minute the story gets rolling--its all out the window, and whatever THEY want is all that matters. (Very Annoying)
OK SOME guys are like that. I've had some very good RP with people both thru messenger and thru e-mail--though I do more by e-mail these days.